I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
