You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize