So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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