Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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