Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
