If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
