I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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