You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
