i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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