it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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