Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
