I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
