would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
