i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
