so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
