I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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