It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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