WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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