i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
