I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
