my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
