my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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