I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
