He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
