I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
