she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize