just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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