My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
