On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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