I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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