i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
