How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
third nipple confirmed
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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