Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
