i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
