Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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