she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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