Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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