You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize