That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
