he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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