he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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