Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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