apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
