Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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