I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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