Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
