WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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