I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
