I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
