I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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