Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
