That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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