If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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