woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
