carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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