On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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