I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
