True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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