Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
