You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
