Swine flu. Run for my life!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Help. Why am I so naked?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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