You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
