you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
