so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
