Reggie can tackle my bush.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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