Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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