Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
