she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
