Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
