how can u be prego again
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
