Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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