it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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