i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Its about making memories worth repressing
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
