I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
