i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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