ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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