It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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