from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
