Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
