I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
