were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wish there were birth control emojis
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
