I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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