apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
