im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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