i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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