I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
