I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
