I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
