I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
