no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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