you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
