Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
